Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
