I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
