and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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