I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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