i would punch a child for taco bell
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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