You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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