so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
