i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
