Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
