i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she told me i tasted like america
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
