were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
