there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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