your parents love me but you hate me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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