I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my poor anus
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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