a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
