I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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