Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
