I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
