That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize