every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't turn off my feet"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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