watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
