hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dicks are not precious.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
