Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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