Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
