So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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