That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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