CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
