I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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