it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize