Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
