I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
