the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
