I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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