I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
