1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
