whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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