You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
