I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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