haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
