The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
