You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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