A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
