yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
