soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
