They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
