and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
