I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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