To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
