hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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