I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's like iHOP with fire
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
