I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
