I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Holy sore nipples Batman
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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