this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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