barbara walters just said penis...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
