Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
