Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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