so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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