Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
