epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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