We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
