It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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