my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
