So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
