We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
