you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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