so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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