obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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