I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You brought string cheese to the strip club
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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