My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize