so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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