Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
