I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
