nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
