my sisters under your porch take her home
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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