I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
