OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
