I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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