i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize