she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think people are normalizing furries
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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