omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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