It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
