If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
