Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
