I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
