think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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