I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
