All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
