Farmville is her only friend.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want nice things and good sex
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
