I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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