apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
