Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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