Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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