and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
