Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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