So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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