The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
