I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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