just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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