Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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