If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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