If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
