yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
