just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
